I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
