i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
