Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
