May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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