tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
