you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
