Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i believe in u and ur pee
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize