I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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