he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
