Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
jump out the window naked night went bad
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
