just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
