whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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