just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
zippers are such a cool invention
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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