I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
