It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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