I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
