Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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