it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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