I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
