i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i think my cat just said my name.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
