Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
