Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
ok first of all what the fuck
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
