Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
