Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
