I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
