there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
