That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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