I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
