Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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