i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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