I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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