in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
