That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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