dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
