consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
