Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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