went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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