Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
