The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize