the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize