What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
