I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
