I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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