Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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