Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
