dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize