There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
