half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
