If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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