She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
