I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
