I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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