Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
