Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
