Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
