; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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