No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
