Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
