it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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