I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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