i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
