i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
