he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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