why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize