I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
