remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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