Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
