I didn't shave. On purpose
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
