i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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