I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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